Welcome to the life of an American female. Aimlessly wandering the road of youth and adulthood, she shares her tales of growing pains, discoveries and ideas. There might also be a pinch of happiness, a dash of light, and a micro-amount of wisdom within. The author is not liable for any psychological damages you may incur while reading this blog.

The author put it best when she said, "My humor is like a good martini - extra dry and sometimes served dirty."

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

I'm Not Attracted to Men...But It's Not What You Think

So today, a coworker showed me a set of funny boxers she found online. They're knitted, with elephant ears and a trunk that...well, I think you can imagine what the trunk part is for. I didn't find it very humorous. Part of that is my pregnancy hormones, I'm sure, but the rest is that I just found it plain repulsive. Why ruin the image of cute elephants for me? Being surrounded by an office full of single ladies over the age of 40, I hear lots of crass comments in regards to men and their bodies. Most of the time, I am unfazed by their incessant drooling over celebrities like Channing Tatum and Charlie Hunnam, but other times, I could just about lose my lunch.
Hey Ashton, put some clothes on!
I guess it goes without saying that I am just not attracted to the male body - at least, not in the way that so many women express attraction. I'm sure that sounds a bit like a conundrum, particularly since I am married and clearly pregnant...and it was no immaculate conception. I think my husband is very handsome. There are times he does or says something that literally makes my heart melt. He listens to all of my political and philosophical rants with a calm ear and the occasional nod. He's my best friend and my favorite spot is with his arm around me and my head on his chest. I am equally attracted to him if he is clothed or less-than-clothed. I could easily lose my mojo if I stared at his man package for too long, though.
It's clear she's seen a man stick.

Let's face it. That thing is just plain weird. First off, let's acknowledge the fact that it's essentially another appendage. A wrinkly, stretchy one at that. I really don't see the charm in it.

As for the other part...well, I can go to the beach and watch 200,000 men with no shirts go by, and it's not going to do a thing for me. I can appreciate that a man has a nice face, nice arms, or pretty eyes, but I don't get any butterflies from it. I seriously get zero pleasure from drooling over men. "Hot" also isn't really a word that floats around in my vocabulary, unless I'm talking about the temperature. Someone tell me I'm not the only woman that feels this way.

I guess words and actions do a lot more for me than anything else. I can appreciate a pretty face, but it's what's in the brain that turns my gears. ;)