Welcome to the life of an American female. Aimlessly wandering the road of youth and adulthood, she shares her tales of growing pains, discoveries and ideas. There might also be a pinch of happiness, a dash of light, and a micro-amount of wisdom within. The author is not liable for any psychological damages you may incur while reading this blog.

The author put it best when she said, "My humor is like a good martini - extra dry and sometimes served dirty."

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Don't Date a Smoker

Seriously. Just don't do it. If you date one, you run the risk of marrying one, and you'll harbor resentment against their affair with those smelly sticks for the rest of your life...well, at least until they quit, die, or you get divorced. Or you start smoking from the stress.

I'm married to a smoker, and I'm convinced that my life would be much better if he quit.

1. You'll never get anywhere on time. Ever. When you get ready to leave, they still have to have a smoke for the road. Once you're past that, you more than likely have to stop by a store so they can buy another pack. Heaven forbid they should run out -- they'll be cranky as all get out. Never mind the face that their smoking makes everyone else around them cranky from the odor and inconvenience.

2. They're much more interested in when their next cigarette will be than they are enjoying your presence. You might think you're having a great time on the road trip, but they are just waiting for you to stop talking long enough so they can ask you to pull over so they can have a smoke.

3. They end up excluding you in their social life. This is especially true when you go to social gatherings. All the smokers seem to congregate together outside and exclude everyone else. If you are pregnant, have a baby, or a breathing condition, or just don't want to be around the cancerous stench, you better get used to enjoying your own company. The "cool" kids hang in the smoke clouds.

4. It costs a ridiculous amount of money. At around $5 a pack, my husband's habit costs him about $35-40 per week. If he didn't smoke, we could afford a date night. And believe me, we need a date night.

5. You stink. They stink. Everything they touch stinks. It's in their hair, your hair, their clothes, and deeply rooted in their fingers. It's disgusting. It yellows their teeth. Ew. Just ew. And cigarette plus coffee-breath? Just put your respirator on, NOW.

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